Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
