Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
