Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
