I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
