Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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