I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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