I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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