dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
