Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
