maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
