I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
