I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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