Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
