i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
