turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
