He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
