how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
