at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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