i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
3 2 1 whiskey
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
