I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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