Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
