Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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