I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
