Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
