how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
