The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
