in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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