that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Randomize
