Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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