i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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