I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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