Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
