the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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