I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
