I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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