I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
