Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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