you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
