Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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