Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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