I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
