if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
