Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
