You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
