So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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