We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your cock deserves a montage
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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