so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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