WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
