We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
