not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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