I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
